Monday 6 February 2012

19

Whatever, ring finger. I didn't like you anyway.

I've been having more and more orders for Kindle 4 covers so last night I decided it was high time to fashion myself a Ghetto Kindle 4* out of several layers of heavy card and cellotape. So there I was, minding my own business, cutting card with my craft knife. And then disaster strikes: the knife slips and shears the side of my finger clean off. Just when I was about to make it big as an International Hand Model**. Faced with the dilemma of what to do with the semi-finger on the floor (if we had a composter the decision would be obvious), Steven and I threw it in the bin. Friend Sarah: I'm telling you right now that if you are called to the refuse facility on official police business because someone has found a portion of a finger, don't be alarmed. We hot-footed it up to our local A&E, only to find it was closed because the genteel folk of North Edinburgh don't get up to shenanigans after 9pm. Home again, I roused retired-pharmacist neighbour and made him clean and dress it.

IMAG0182

Once the local folk were allowed to injure themselves again (9am this morning), we made it back to A&E for some judgement and chastisement for not trekking it across the city last night to the open hospital, casual prodding of open wounds, and a less-than-lovingly administered tetanus shot***. But the worst thing, they made me get a divorce:

finger 001

Okay, so technically they made me drag two wedding rings over a swollen mess. But it looks like I've had a divorce. So other than the pain and risk of infection, I now have to contend with people hitting on me all day long****.

To cut a long story short, I'm finding out all the things my left ring finger used to do without protesting. Turns out it's quite a lot, particularly as the ring finger tends to tag along with whatever the other fingers want to do. I am continuing to work, but my pace has slowed a bit due to Minding the Finger. Everyone who ordered before the weekend will be shipped tomorrow morning (they actually turned the light off as I stepped into the post office tonight because my finger took one minute too long packaging things up). Orders that came in over the weekend will be completed and sent within a couple of days.

*Ghetto Kindle: all the dimensions of a real Kindle but none of the content.
** Not technically true although I'm pretty sure scouts have been checking out all the tutes with my hands in them.
*** Big mo-fo bruise already.
****Because in my mind that probably happened a lot when I used to be single.

19 comments:

  1. AAAAGGGGGHHH!!! When you posted the other night about not being able to get in late, I assumed one of the kids had an injury. Feel better!

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  2. I thought you'd have given us an action wound shot...

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  3. Did I tell you my brother got his hand caught in a lawn mower right before Christmas? Because that was much worse. Surgery, pins required. Still. Ouch!

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    1. That is the most terrible thing I've ever heard. Except for a guy when I was a kid who fell off his riding mower on a hill and it cut his Achilles tendon.

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  4. What, no Photoshopped crime scene photos? No chalk outline of the superfluous finger piece? What kind of blog is this*?


    *A highly entertaining one. Carry on... erm, if you can carry things with your jacked up finger that is. ;)


    (I once carved pumpkins with an exacto knife. 4 stitches and 2 traumatized children later, I've learned a very important lesson. Those craft knives are hella sharp! Who knew?)

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    1. I should have put you in charge of my blog post! That would have been a lot funnier :)

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  5. oh no!! Disaster. That looks painful. Note to self - stay away from the craft knife!!

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  6. Get well soon. Please post pics of the gore, I love that sort of thing. Do try not to get it infected, but if you do I'll happily squeese pus out of it x

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  7. Sorry about your finger, but thanks for the humorous retelling :-)

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  8. Ouch!and disapointed in you for no pre-bandaged finger!! Get better sooon Kxx

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  9. Haha to all you guys who wanted gorey pictures! I'll see what I can do when the bandage comes off :)

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  10. Is it so very wrong that your maiming tale made me laugh? Speedy recovery!

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  11. Oh my gosh! You just threw part of your finger in the trash? If you weren't going to keep you should have at least seen the asking price on the black market, no? I hope you feel better!

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  12. Ouch ouch ouch... sounds horrid. Were you just trying to make Maia feel better? Hope it heals super quick, and isn't too painful. x

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  13. Ouch. Craft knives are dangerous weapons. I am sorry I laughed when I read this post - it was not your plight what cause the merriment but your very hilarous writing. Hope your finger recovers quickly and you can get your wedding rings back on again.

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  14. I too am wedding ringless! But mine is because of an unfortunate miscommunication with a jeweller who has melted it down, rather than because of mortal wounds. I haven't been hit on much yet, but I think that's because my hands look like that of an eighty year old so once I slather them in hand cream I will expect the offers to come flooding in.
    Will the bit you cut off grow back?

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  15. sorry for your loss... :) (but, really, i'm good without photographic evidence of gore.) by the way, Minding the Finger would be a great name for a band! wishing you speedy healing!

    bess :)

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  16. Ooh, that ranks up there with my Thanksgiving Day injury a few years ago when I sliced the tip of MY ring finger off. I found it when I drained the sweet potatoes - they were plump and orange, it was pale and wrinkly. (I'm not allowed to cook any more.)

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  17. Oh no! I wish you weren't so funny in these situations...then I'd know just what to say! I'd say something truely sympathetic, instead I'm feeling amused by it all, and have no idea what to say!
    It does make my burn from the oven door seem harmless in comparison though!

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